In June 2014 I officially left my job as a fourth grade teacher, and the classroom, to become an administrator. Since joining the dark side, I continuously ask myself what I could have and should have done differently for my students.
While some of my previous work – such as this post on grading – has focused on how my teaching could have been enhanced, my biggest regret really has nothing to do with actual instruction.
My Regret
This quote by Todd Whitaker from What Great Principals Do Differently beautifully sums up the one change I wish I had made above all else:
If just once in a month, or even once in a school year, we choose to make a sarcastic comment or cutting remark to a student or staff member, we may as well have carved it in stone. They may pretend to have forgotten that moment, but they will never forget.
Sarcastic Comment
Pretty much anyone who has ever had a conversation with me knows I constantly use sarcasm. So, it should not come as a surprise to hear that the sarcasm did not entirely stop when I was in front of my students.
For example, on one occasion one of my students was at her desk when she spilled the milk she was drinking, some of which splashed on her clothing. Out of embarrassment, she sat under her desk and cried…How did I react? Well, I decided to make light of the situation by telling jokes like, “Hey, you can’t cry over spilled milk!” The result – a whole lot more crying…That very same night at parent conferences I came face to face with her massive father for the very first time. It was a good thing he was happy with his daughter’s education…
Cutting Remark
Since becoming an administrator I have realized the importance of establishing relationships with others by being attentive (or trying to), exhibiting patience, and treating everyone’s problems as if they are my own…More accurately, I have always known these behaviors were important, but now they are simply non-negotiables if I want to do my job well.
Looking back, I should have also treated these types of actions as non-negotiables when I was in the classroom. While I definitely was not a teacher who yelled (maybe a select handful of times a year), I did occasionally make cutting remarks, and there was a higher probability of this happening on days on which my patience was wearing thin for one reason or another. I can say now, I did not realize the ramifications of my actions, and the fact that these comments could have stuck with some of my students for quite awhile (and not necessarily “wear off” at the end of each school day).
In the End
I would be willing to bet some of my former students and parents will read this post, completely baffled. After all, for a lot of students, the cutting remarks were probably harmless, and my sarcasm most likely made their time at school that much more enjoyable.
Nonetheless, perception is reality. And if the words I chose had a negative impact on any of my students, then I should have been more careful with what came out of my mouth.
If you are a former teacher, what is your biggest regret? If you are a current teacher, what is something you can change now so it won’t be a regret later on?
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When I was in the 7th grade, one of my teachers used to call me “Hollingsworthless.” I tried to laugh it off, and play it cool for the rest of the peers around me, but it hurt. It stuck with me, forever. I think a lot of what I’ve done with my life, was me trying to prove him wrong. I was not worthless. I was not Hollingsworthless.
The day I got my doctorate, I posted on Facebook “Guess who is worthless now?” It so happened that the teacher who made that comment about me was the uncle of one of my Facebook friends. The friend showed him the post. I received a private message, apologizing to me, from the teacher. But it killed me that even though I had been hurting, I made this teacher hurt too. I’m sure he won’t forget what he said, knowing it made a lifetime, monumental difference in my life – what NOT to do.
There is a whole lot of regret there, not just on the part of the teacher, but on my part too. It made me realize how “being funny” can be really biting to a child. I’ve had to revamp who I am – as a professional – to be upbeat and positive, and never make a comment that might tear someone down.
Because those comments can stick, for a lifetime.
Amy, thanks for sharing your story! I think you need to expand upon it with a full-length blog post.
I know I have some regrets as far as my students. My practice, however, was to publicly recognize and admit it when I did something wrong and apologize to any student I may have offended or hurt. Not only does it make the student feel better about what I did, but it also allows them to understand that everyone, including their teacher, is human and does stupid things. It also provides them a model of alternative ways of handling something when they make a mistake.
Unfortunately, I have yet to experience this from an administrator. I recently left the classroom and a big part of my decision was this very thing. Even though most of the time I easily accept quite a bit from those in charge, sometimes a line gets crossed.
Thanks, Margaret! I can say with confidence, I have worked with administrators who model the types of behaviors we would want to see in teachers (and in any kinds of professionals)…Sorry to hear about your experiences.
Besides poor instruction and grading practices for years, I regret being harsh on students for minimal behaviors, such as forgetting a pencil. Embarrassing to them at the time, but more embarrassing to me now.
Mike, thanks for sharing!